Have you ever considered the amount of time men and women spend maintaining their mustache’s. Well I have and came up with this brilliant theory that may shed some light on the topic. Men and Women from all parts of the country embrace their mustaches. Why? Well it’s pretty fuckin simple. Within every mustache lye’s a layer of sneaky ass shit. If you have a mustache or know someone who does, well that mother fucker is obviously hiding something, women especially.
I’m gonna put it out there and let you in on a little secret. The secret mustache society. Here there are governing rules that every mustache wearing mother fucker must adhere. I know this first hand as I have had a fucking mustache and have been invited to attend several meetings. These meetings take place in the most extreme places, such as hardware stores. Did you know that in every hardware store there is a secret mustache room. Men and women drink coffee in white styrofoam cups and watch other shoppers who mistakenly did not wear a mustache that day. Typical conversation in the mustache room. “Hey Tom, Judy, look at this clean face mother fucker, he’s never gonna find that banjo fitting. He’s been scouring lawn and garden for ten minutes! If only he had a mustache.”
I could talk all day about how to properly use a mustache and I plan to reveal all my fuckin secrets. But for the time being this clean faced mother fucker is getting hungry, I’m getting hungry for a mustache.
Tune in tomorrow for the Do’s and Don’t s of a proper stache